Losing a Sibling: Grief When a Brother or Sister Dies

Losing a brother or sister is one of the hardest losses there is, at any age. If your sibling has died, your grief is real and it deserves support, even when the people around you focus mostly on your parents.

This page is for siblings: children, teens and adults. It explains why sibling grief is so often overlooked, what it can feel like, how your family may change, and where to find people who understand.

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A loss that's often overlooked

When a child or young adult dies, friends and relatives usually rush to the parents. The brothers and sisters can end up on the edge of the room. The Compassionate Friends (opens in a new tab), a national peer-support group for bereaved families, says siblings are often called “the forgotten mourners.” They get little support of their own and are often asked, “How are your parents doing?”

Researchers have noticed this too. A national study from Sweden described the sibling as “the forgotten griever” (opens in a new tab) and called siblings the least-studied family relationship in bereavement research.

There is a name for grief that other people don't see or accept: disenfranchised grief. In a 2025 study of bereaved siblings, researchers described it as grief that is “unacknowledged or invalidated” (opens in a new tab), and they noted that adult siblings have been called “the disenfranchised grievers.” If you have felt that your loss counts for less, you are not imagining it. And it is not true.

What sibling grief can feel like

Bereaved Parents of the USA (opens in a new tab) points out that for many people, a sibling is the longest relationship of their life. Siblings are “life witnesses” who know you as no one else can. So losing one can feel like losing your past, your present and the future you expected to share.

You might notice:

• shock, numbness or a sense that it can't be real;
• deep sadness, anger, or both at once;
• guilt or regret, including guilt for being the one who is still alive;
• trouble sleeping, eating or concentrating;
• feeling that part of you is missing;
• worry about your parents, or about losing someone else.

The National Institute on Aging (opens in a new tab) says all of these feelings are normal, and that there is no right or wrong way to mourn. For most people, the most intense pain eases over time, with good days and bad days along the way.

Grief can also come back. The American Academy of Pediatrics notes that milestones like graduations, a new home, falling in love or having children can bring grief back even decades later (opens in a new tab). That is not a setback. It is part of how grief lives alongside you. Our guide to making room for grief in daily life has ideas for those waves.

Grieving differently from your parents

Parents and siblings lose the same person, but not the same relationship. A pediatrician who lost her young son wrote for the American Academy of Pediatrics that siblings are left to grieve their brother or sister “while also experiencing what feels like the loss of their parents as they mourn.” (opens in a new tab)

That can look like:

• parents who are too overwhelmed to notice how you are doing;
• feeling that you must be the strong one, or keep your own grief quiet;
• different ways of grieving in one home. The Dougy Center (opens in a new tab) gives the example of one child who wants photos out and another who keeps them in a drawer.

None of these ways is wrong. It can help to say out loud what you need, such as “I want to talk about him at dinner” or “I need a quiet night.” If you are a parent reading this, our guide to parenting while grieving is written for you.

Your place in the family changes

After a death, roles shift. Maybe your sister was the funny one, the planner or the one who called everyone. The Dougy Center says it helps to remind grieving siblings that they are not responsible for replacing (opens in a new tab) the brother or sister who died. Carrying on something they loved can be a gift, but it should be your choice, not a duty.

Some siblings also feel pressure to become a high achiever, or feel they live in the shadow of the sibling who died. You are still your own person, with your own path.

Your bond does not have to end, either. Researchers call it continuing bonds: grieving siblings can stay connected to a brother or sister who died through memories, rituals and the ways they carry that person with them (Packman and colleagues, 2006 (opens in a new tab)). Saying their name, telling their stories and marking their birthday are all ways to keep that bond. Our guide on talking about a sibling who died covers questions like “How many siblings do you have?”

Finding people who understand

Talking with people who have lost a sibling can make you feel less alone. Some options:

• Adults: The Compassionate Friends (opens in a new tab) welcomes adult siblings at all chapter meetings, and runs live online chats and a private Facebook group for sibling loss. In New York City and on Long Island, the COPE Foundation (opens in a new tab) runs free, clinician-led groups for adult siblings, including a virtual group for the newly bereaved. Bereaved Parents of the USA (opens in a new tab) has a few chapters just for siblings.
• Teens: some Compassionate Friends chapters run sibling groups for teens. Their pages give different minimum ages, so ask your local chapter.
• Children: free grief camps and children's groups exist across the country. Our guide to helping a child grieve a brother or sister lists them.
• New York City: Our House NYC (opens in a new tab) runs peer groups matched by age and by relationship to the person who died, including siblings.

Where to get support

You don't need to be in crisis to ask for help. A grief counselor, your doctor, a faith leader or a support group can all help you carry this. Our full directory, Where to Find Grief Support, lists verified groups, counselors, camps and crisis lines, including free options and support for South Asian and Muslim families.

If your brother or sister died suddenly, including by drowning, you may also want to read grief after a drowning.

Why we wrote this page

The Amin Foundation began with sibling loss. In August 2022, Basir Amin, 18, and his brother-in-law Afrid Haider, 34, drowned. In September 2022, Basir's sister Nasrin Amin, 21, also died. Their eldest brother, Faruque Amin, founded the foundation with the family in their memory. You can read our story.

Faruque's memoir, Enduring Bonds, is about siblings and sibling loss. If you reached this page from the book, the Enduring Bonds companion page gathers every resource it mentions.

What you can do today

• Tell one person you trust that you are grieving your brother or sister, not only “supporting your parents.”
• Write down one memory of your sibling, or start a private entry in the Memory journal.
• Look up one sibling group or online chat from the list above, even if you are not ready to go yet.
• Mark the hard dates coming up, like their birthday, and plan one small thing for that day. Our guide to anniversaries and holidays can help.
• If you feel overwhelmed or unsafe, call or text 988 now. In an emergency, call 911.