Activities That Build Sibling Bonds, by Age

The best sibling bonding activities are ones that need both kids to succeed: building, cooking, making, exploring, and playing on the same team instead of against each other. Pick ones that fit their ages, let them take turns choosing, and repeat the ones they love until they become traditions.

Use the tool below to get ideas for your family's ages, then read on for why it works and what to try at each stage.

Why shared activities help

Siblings who share good times have more goodwill to draw on when they fight. Researchers have tested this.

Penn State's "Siblings Are Special" program brought fifth graders and their younger siblings together for 12 after-school sessions and 3 family nights. They practiced self-control, seeing each other's point of view, solving problems and working as a team. In a randomized trial with 174 families, it improved sibling relationships, children's self-control, social skills and school performance (opens in a new tab) (Feinberg and colleagues, 2013). It did not measurably reduce sibling conflict, which was rare to begin with. The point was a team, not zero arguments.

The American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) offers simple home versions. For siblings who compete, it suggests teamwork-based games, or not keeping score (opens in a new tab). It recommends taking turns choosing activities, so the younger child doesn't always set the pace. And it says that eating together once a day goes a long way.

University of New Hampshire researchers add: help children identify what they like about their siblings (opens in a new tab), and encourage shared interests between them.

Toddlers and preschoolers (about 2-5)

Short, physical and simple. An adult stays close.

• Rolling a ball back and forth, then counting the rolls together.
• Helping hands jobs: both kids wash vegetables or match socks.
• Dance party with one song each chooses.
• Picture-book time where the older child "reads" the pictures to the younger one.
• Simple pretend play: a shop, a doctor's office, a picnic for stuffed animals.
• Blowing bubbles, one blows and one pops.

At this age, children need help with turns and feelings. Laurie Kramer, a psychologist at Northeastern University, says kids under 8 may not have skills to manage on their own (opens in a new tab). Stay nearby and coach.

School-age siblings (about 6-12)

Give them a real project with a real result.

• Build a fort from blankets, cardboard or snow.
• Cook one meal a week for the family, from choosing the recipe to serving it.
• Make a short movie with a phone: one writes, one directs, both act.
• Start a garden in a pot or a bed. One waters, one weeds, and they switch.
• Cooperative board games where everyone wins or loses together.
• A family newspaper with interviews, drawings and jokes.
• A shared pet job: feeding, walking, or cleaning the cage together.
• Interview the grandparents. Children who know more about their family's history have been found to have higher self-esteem and better family functioning (opens in a new tab) (Emory University study, 2008).

Teens and big age gaps

Teens bond on their own terms. Big age gaps need roles.

• Let the teen teach a skill: a game, a dance, a recipe, riding a bike.
• Sibling outings without parents, like a movie, a walk to get food or a trip to the library.
• Shared playlists or a show they watch together each week.
• A joint gift for a parent's or grandparent's birthday.
• Volunteering together, such as a park cleanup or a food pantry shift.
• Team up for chores with a reward they plan together.

With a big gap, give the older child a role like coach or director, but don't make them the boss or the babysitter. See older siblings as caregivers for where to draw that line.

Learning to swim together

Swimming lessons can be a family activity, and a life skill. The AAP recommends swim lessons as a layer of protection that can begin for many children starting at age 1 (opens in a new tab), depending on readiness. CDC notes that formal swimming lessons can reduce the risk of drowning (opens in a new tab).

• Sign siblings up for classes at the same pool and time, each at their own level.
• Adults who never learned can sign up too. Learning alongside your kids is powerful.
• Celebrate each child's progress separately. Swimming is not a race between siblings.

Find classes near you with the Swim lesson finder or our guide to finding swim lessons.

Adult siblings

Grown siblings need shared time too, and the reasons don't change.

• A standing call or a monthly meal.
• An annual trip, even just a day.
• A shared project: a family recipe book, a photo archive, a garden at a parent's home.
• Sports or fitness together: a weekly walk, a league, a race you train for.
• A sibling group chat for daily life.
• Learn something together: a language, a class, a skill one of you has.

People tend to underestimate how much others appreciate being reached out to (opens in a new tab), especially when it's a surprise (Liu and colleagues, 2023). The invitation matters as much as the activity. See showing up for your siblings for more.

For the bigger picture of raising siblings who stay close, see how to raise siblings who stay close. If activities keep ending in fights, start with sibling rivalry and fighting.

What you can do today

• Pick one teamwork activity from this page or the tool for this week.
• Let the child who usually goes second choose first.
• Eat one meal together today with screens away.
• Look up swim lessons where siblings can learn at the same time.
• If you're an adult, invite a sibling to one thing this month.