Glossary
Sibling rivalry
Competition and conflict between brothers and sisters. Some is a normal part of growing up; parents can help.
Sibling rivalry is the competition, jealousy and fighting that happens between brothers and sisters. Some of it is normal. The AAP (opens in a new tab) says that no matter how well parents model behavior, siblings are going to fight, and that what they fight about changes with age, from a favorite toy to privacy in the teen years. Learning to disagree respectfully is part of growing up, but children need help along the way.
What the AAP suggests:
- set clear family ground rules, such as no hitting, permission before entering someone's room and kind words;
- let children try to solve simple disagreements themselves, even if they need time apart first;
- if they can't, or someone's safety is at risk, step in as a calm, neutral party and listen fairly to both sides;
- younger children need more help than older ones;
- choose teamwork games, or don't keep score, and make one-on-one time for each child.
Comparisons and unequal treatment can fuel rivalry: research links parents' differential treatment of siblings to less positive sibling relationships (McHale et al. (opens in a new tab)). See sibling rivalry and fighting and differential parental treatment.
What you can do today: write down three family ground rules with your kids and post them where everyone can see.