Glossary
Differential parental treatment
When parents treat siblings differently in affection, discipline or privileges. Children notice, and fairness matters.
Differential parental treatment means parents treating their children differently, in affection, discipline, privileges or conflict. When it feels unfair, it is often called favoritism. A review of sibling research (opens in a new tab) in the Journal of Marriage and Family says children pay attention from a very young age to how their parents treat them compared with their siblings.
What the research shows:
- unequal treatment is linked to less positive sibling relationships and poorer adjustment, with the less-favored child generally doing worse;
- these effects can show up even beyond the quality of each child's own relationship with the parent;
- the harm is softened when children understand the reasons for the different treatment and see it as fair;
- when one parent favors a child and the other doesn't, it can signal a breakdown in co-parenting that affects the whole family.
Some differences are fair and necessary: children of different ages and needs get different rules. The key is explaining why. The AAP (opens in a new tab) suggests one-on-one time with each child and taking turns focusing on what each child enjoys. See parental favoritism and siblings and sibling rivalry.
What you can do today: next time you treat your children differently, tell each of them the reason in one sentence.