Glossary
Survivor guilt
Guilt about being alive when someone else died, or about past arguments. Common among grieving siblings.
Survivor guilt is guilt about having lived when someone you love died. It is common after the death of a brother or sister. The Dougy Center (opens in a new tab) notes that some grieving children and teens feel survivor guilt, even feeling the family would have been better off if they had died instead of their sibling. Adults can feel it too.
Guilt can also attach to ordinary sibling life. A grief counselor writing for The Compassionate Friends (opens in a new tab) says grief tends to replay the worst moments between siblings, the rivalries and harsh words, and suggests remembering the times you were kind to each other, because no sibling relationship is perfect.
What helps:
- talk it through with someone you trust;
- for children, say clearly that the death was not their fault, as the AAP (opens in a new tab) advises, and celebrate who they are without comparing them to the sibling who died;
- a grief group or counselor can help if guilt won't let go.
If guilt turns into thoughts of harming yourself, call or text 988 now, or call 911 in an emergency. See guilt after a loss and losing a sibling.
What you can do today: write down one kind memory of the person you lost.