Glossary
Disenfranchised grief
Grief that others don't fully recognize or support, so the grieving person feels they have no right to mourn.
Disenfranchised grief is grief that other people don't fully recognize or support. Grief researcher Kenneth Doka coined the term and defined it as grief experienced when a loss cannot be openly acknowledged, socially sanctioned or publicly mourned, as quoted in a 2017 article in Behavioral Sciences (opens in a new tab). The person grieving may feel they don't have the right to be as sad as they are, or that no one makes room for their loss.
It can happen when:
- the relationship isn't recognized, such as an ex-spouse, a close friend or a step-relative;
- attention goes mainly to other mourners, as often happens to siblings, whom The Compassionate Friends (opens in a new tab) calls the forgotten mourners;
- the death is stigmatized or hard to talk about.
Naming it can help. Your grief is valid whatever your relationship was. Things that may help include finding a group of people with a similar loss, saying the person's name, and creating your own rituals of remembrance. If grief feels overwhelming, call or text 988 any time. See losing a sibling and where to find grief support.
What you can do today: write down whose loss you are carrying that others may not see, and share it with one person you trust.