Helping a Child After a Scary Moment in the Water

After a scary moment in the water, start with your child's body, then their feelings. Make sure they are physically OK, then expect some fear, clinginess or bad dreams for a few days to a few weeks. Help them talk about it at their own pace, keep routines steady, and gently rebuild their confidence near water. If the reactions last a month or longer, or get in the way of daily life, get extra support.

The advice below comes mostly from After The Injury (opens in a new tab), a resource for parents from the Children's Hospital of Philadelphia.

First: check their health

Before anything else, make sure your child doesn't need medical care. Water Safety USA says anyone who has these signs after trouble in the water should be evaluated by medical professionals (opens in a new tab):

• coughing that doesn't stop;
• any loss of consciousness, even briefly;
• needing rescue breaths or CPR;
• ongoing chest pain or shortness of breath;
• confusion, unusual tiredness, or not acting normally.

The Red Cross says a child who coughs briefly and quickly returns to normal can be watched at home by an attentive adult, and will get better or worse within 2 to 3 hours (opens in a new tab). Our guide to "dry drowning" and what to watch for explains more.

Common reactions in children

The Children's Hospital of Philadelphia says that in the first few days after an injury, nearly all children feel upset, jumpy or worried at times (opens in a new tab). These reactions usually start to get better within a few weeks.

CHOP lists common reactions after an injury (opens in a new tab) and signs to keep an eye on (opens in a new tab). You might notice your child:

• being more clingy, or having trouble sleeping;
• worrying that something bad might happen to them again;
• thinking or talking a lot about what happened;
• having bad dreams;
• getting upset, or having a headache, stomachache or racing heart, at reminders such as the sound of a pool or a bath being run;
• not wanting to talk about it, or wanting to stay away from the people, places or things that remind them of it;
• becoming afraid of something they weren't afraid of before, like bath time.

Stress shows up in the whole family. CHOP notes that parents and children may argue more in the first few days, and that some families also notice positive reactions, like feeling thankful nothing worse happened and resolving to do things more safely.

Brothers and sisters who saw what happened can feel upset too, even if they weren't in danger. CHOP reminds parents that people in the same family can react in different ways (opens in a new tab).

Your reactions matter too

Parents often feel shaken, guilty or on edge after a close call. CHOP lists common reactions in parents: reliving what happened, staying away from reminders, and feeling anxious or jumpy. It says it is harder to help your child if you are feeling really worried, upset, or overwhelmed (opens in a new tab).

• Talk about your feelings with other adults: family, friends, clergy, your doctor or a counselor.
• Notice whether your own worry is stopping your child from doing safe things they should be allowed to do.
• Ask a trusted friend to be your "reality check."

Talking about what happened

CHOP's quick tips (opens in a new tab) for the first days and weeks:

1. Let your child know they are safe now. Give extra hugs, even to teens. Younger children may want more cuddle time.
2. Let them talk about feelings and worries, if they want to. Tell them it's OK to feel a little upset. If they don't want to talk, they can write a story or draw a picture.
3. Go back to normal routines. Help them get plenty of sleep, eat regular meals and keep up with school and friends.
4. Spend more time together. Reading, games, sports or a movie together all help. Children who get support from family and friends seem to recover better.
5. Take care of your own feelings.
6. Remember that each family member may react differently.

Keep your words simple and true. You might say: "That was really scary. You're safe now. The grown-ups are going to keep watching you very carefully in the water."

Getting back in the water, gently

It is natural for a child to avoid things that remind them of a scary moment. CHOP explains that too much avoidance can get in the way of the natural recovery process (opens in a new tab), and that facing reminders again and again in the course of normal life, while staying safe, helps scared feelings get weaker.

CHOP suggests parents:

• Make changes that really do keep your child safe. Near water, that means a Water Watcher, a properly fitted life jacket in natural water, a fence around a home pool and swim lessons.
• Be a reality check. Help your child sort out "Is this keeping me safe?" from "Am I avoiding this just so I won't feel nervous?"
• Encourage them and praise their courage when they try a safe thing that makes them nervous.

Small steps work best. A child might start by sitting on the pool steps with you, then holding your hands in shallow water, then trying a lesson. The American Academy of Pediatrics recommends choosing a program with instructors trained through a nationally recognized learn-to-swim curriculum (opens in a new tab). Tell the instructor what happened so they can go at your child's pace. Our guides to choosing a swim program and overcoming fear of water can help, including for adults who had a scare.

When to seek professional help

CHOP's red flag is clear: when stress reactions last more than 1 month or get in the way of recovery, get extra support (opens in a new tab). Its questions for parents (opens in a new tab) help you tell when a reaction may be a problem, for example when:

• avoiding reminders stops your child from doing safe things they could otherwise do, or from enjoying them;
• nightmares are worse or more frequent since the incident, or get in the way of a good night's sleep;
• getting upset at reminders happens nearly every day, or makes it hard to relax, have fun or concentrate on schoolwork.

Start with your child's doctor or school counselor, or look for a counselor who helps children with traumatic stress. CHOP's guide to when to get outside help (opens in a new tab) walks through the options.

If a water incident ended in the death of someone your family loves, you are facing grief as well as fear. Our guide to where to find grief support lists groups and counselors.

What you can do today

• Check your child against the symptom list above, and call their doctor if you're unsure.
• Ask your child, "What was the scariest part?" and listen without correcting.
• Keep tonight's bedtime routine the same as always.
• Choose one small, safe step back toward water for this week.
• Talk to another adult about how you are doing.