Glossary
Anniversary reaction
A return of strong grief around the anniversary of a death, a birthday or a holiday. It is normal and can be planned for.
An anniversary reaction is a wave of strong grief around the date of a loved one's death, their birthday or a holiday you used to share. It can arrive even years later, sometimes before you notice the date is near. The AAP (opens in a new tab) notes that children may feel bereft on a loved one's birthday or death anniversary, that holidays can be especially hard, and that days such as Mother's Day can be painful reminders.
It is normal, and planning ahead helps:
- decide in advance whether you want company or quiet time;
- choose one small ritual, such as a visit, a favorite meal, lighting a candle or a prayer;
- let children help decide how to mark the day, as the Dougy Center (opens in a new tab) suggests;
- tell teachers, coaches or coworkers about hard dates so they can be understanding.
The AAP (opens in a new tab) adds that milestones such as graduations or becoming a parent can bring grief back, even decades later. If a date brings thoughts of harming yourself, call or text 988, or call 911 in an emergency. See anniversaries, birthdays and holidays after a loss.
What you can do today: put the next hard date on your calendar with a note about how you want to spend it.